It was today. Friday. First full day of school. 2010. I can't believe it's been a year. What a year it's been! The best and worst year of my life. All in one. Was it the best? I think it was. Was it the worst? I know it was. So what happened exactly one year ago today...right now....at this exact time. Here's the story:
I was sitting in my office just as I am now. I was on my planning period just as I am now. I was busy at work but excited that another year had started. A new group of kids. I'm always excited at the beginning of the year. I'm anxious to start back. I don't dread it. That's a good thing, right? If I did, I would need to look for a new career. But I love what I do and look forward to each new year. Do I have bad days? Of course. Who doesn't at their job? (If you don't, don't tell me.) And I'll admit by the time May rolls around, I'm ready to go. I'm ready for summer. I just need a break. Everyone does. Summer break for schools are a very good thing. It's just needed. Ok, I'm getting off subject. Anyways, I was sitting at my desk when my phone rang. I answered and it was my wife. She asked if she could come see me for a second during my planning period. I said sure. What a wonderful wife, I thought. Wanting to come see me on my first day. She really does love me. She already misses me. She arrived about 5 minutes later. So fast. Wow, she really does want to see me, I thought.
I heard her come in but didn't look up immediately. I was working on something...can't remember what...and I never will because what happened next emptied out my brain completely and put a brand new volume of thoughts in there. I looked up and smiled. She didn't really smile back. She had shut my office door. I could tell she was a little upset. My first thought was of course....what have I done? I was sure I had done something wrong and I was really racking my brain to figure out what it was. I was about to just ask...it's easier that way....when she spoke first. I have no idea what she said. It's all a blur now. Something about...I knew something felt different...I'm just going to tell you....I can't believe it but...I don't really remember any of those things. All I remember was the next sentence..."I'm going to have another baby." Come again now? My jaw dropped....to the floor....actually below the floor. My jaw actually dug a hole in the floor so it could get a little lower. Susan isn't afraid to tell you she told me those words through tears. It was a shocking and scary announcement. We weren't planning, trying, expecting, any of those words to have another baby. We thought we were finished. We had discussed it before, but had made the conclusion, or so we thought. My first reaction was shock, then confusion, then more shock, then worry, but by the time we hugged and she left, there was definitely some joy and happiness in there. It took Susan a little longer, but she eventually found the same joy and happiness. After we both accepted it and just gave it to God, we knew it was a blessing and were extremely excited to be getting this wonderful surprise. But you know the rest of the story. That's why it was the worst year of my life.
But I'm also prepared to say it was the best. Why? My relationship with God today compared to my relationship with Him then...when I sat in that office picking up my jaw with a shovel....has done a complete 180. Well, I guess not 180, but somewhere in the 100's. I was doing fine then. I went to church and went through all the motions. I was generally good. I felt pretty good about my life. But I had no idea what all I was missing out on. And it took the gift and then death of my child for me to see it. Yes it's a shame it had to take that but I believe it's all part of God's plan. I see God so much clearer now. I feel him so much closer now. I understand him so much better now. I want to be with Him so much more now. My desire to share Him with others is so much stronger now. He's all that really matters now. So in that sense, as far as my salvation and eternity are concerned, it was the best year of my life.
I've still got a ways to go. I'm learning more every day. But I'm on the way, the right way. I'm on the narrow path to Heaven. Matthew 7:14.
What a year it has been!!
I love God, Griffin, my Girl, and my Guys.
Keep runnin'. The PRIZE awaits. (Php. 3:14)
My Weekend with the President (Kid President)
3 years ago