mily did as well. I love the 4th. It's right in the middle of the summer when we need a holiday. There's hardly any holidays around it so we're more than due for one when it arrives. Somehow Father's Day in June and National Smores Day in August just don't cut it for big celebration days. Plus I love the pride that arises each July 4th. I also love the fireworks. I know a lot of people that say once you've seen one fireworks show, you've seen them all, and that's true to an extent. But I still love them. Each one is new and exciting to me. Saw some great ones last night. Also saw a lot of USA pride throughout the day. Made me feel like this country is one big family. Also makes me feel blessed to live here which I often take for granted.I'm running again. Yay! Man, I've missed it. I took 2 weeks off trying to get this heel to heal. It's better but not healed, but I'm tired of waiting. It only hurts in the morning. And when I put pressure on it. And when I step on it wrong. And....nevermind. It is better than it was. I'm hoping it will eventually and gradually just get back to normal. But I've run 4 days now including 10 on Sunday. Felt great. Hot, but great. I had to start back at some point. I'm going to have to keep up with some much younger and much more in shape (I hope) Cross Country runners in just a few weeks. Can't wait!
So I need a favor. From you. Yes you. You reading this. Not that we deserve anything else. Since our family experienced the tragedy of losing our son, Griffin a little more than 3 months ago, we have been given so much. There has been so much outpouring of love, prayers, thoughts, kind words, gifts (amazing gifts), generosity, and care. And it continues! We are still remembered often with all of the above. God has truly shown us how blessed we are to have so many wonderful friends. From church friends to school friends to Facebook friends to neighborhood friends to longtime friends to life-long friends and of course to family, we are so blessed and we wish we could do something to thank each of you personally. But we can't. The only thing we can do is pray for you all and return the favor if you ever have a need. And we hope and pray you would let us know if you ever need anything from us. So I hate to personally ask for another favor, but I really think I need this. If possible. What do I need? I need to always hear his name.
Griffin.
Maybe I'm crazy...again (stating the obvious) and maybe this is just my weird thing, but it scares me a little. And I'm not accusing anyone of doing anything wrong. But here's an example.....I put up a picture today on Facebook of our family o
n the 4th yesterday (the one seen here). We immediately got several comments about what a great looking family we have. And I agree. Except for the tall guy with a big nose, our family looks pretty good. At least I think so. But I couldn't help but think how much better it might look with a little baby boy in the picture. And I don't mean to say I'm angry at the comments that were made. They were so kind and thoughtful. For some reason, it just made me think about Griffin too. I'm sorry. I don't want to dwell on this loss. I don't want to keep bringing up something sad. I'm not trying to get more sympathy or anyone to feel sorry for me or my family. So like most things on here, I had mixed feelings about posting anything about this. I promise this is not to dwell on a sad situation. If it makes you sad, I'm sorry. I truly am. But to be honest, I do still get sad sometimes. I hope that's ok. I'm pretty sure it is. I'm sad for us. I'm sad for me. I'm not sad for Griffin. I'm happy for him. It's a selfish sad. And please believe that I'm happy more often than sad because it's true. Seriously. But even though Griffin is in Heaven and that makes me so happy and it has brought me so close to God, I can't help but think what it would be like if he were in that picture. What would our lives be like right now if he were here on Earth instead of in Heaven? So maybe we do have a good looking family, but wouldn't the picture look so much better with my 3rd son in it? I'm just scared that he'll one day be forgotten.Maybe this is a normal fear. But here's how real it is. He's my Facebook profile picture. Griffin and me. I love the picture. But I have typically changed pictures every so often. However, I'm scared to change this one. I have a great picture I'd like to replace it with an
d almost did the other day, but I got scared. What if I remove the picture and he's forgotten? I can't bring myself to change it. Not yet. I also considered changing how I sign these posts. "I love Griffin. I love God." Is it getting old? I questioned myself. But I don't think I'll change it. I need to keep posting his name. So I'm just letting you know of my fear. Maybe it's irrational and a little dramatic, but it's there. So back to the "favor" I need......if you feel comfortable, I'd love to hear his name. When you make comments or send kind emails, use it. In 5 years, I'd love to hear "Can't wait to see Griffin" or "Bet Griffin is having a great time right now" or even as simple as "I haven't forgotten Griffin." It won't make me sad or uncomfortable. It'll make me happy. I like to hear it. It keeps him from being forgotten. At least in my mind.So feel free to use his name if you can. Always. Forever. No problem if you can't, feel uncomfortable or don't want to. But he had one. He was a person. He was our son. And always will be. I believe he's in Heaven waiting and even watching and listening when God allows. We won't forget his name. Please don't forget it either.
And once again....2 words that could never, ever be enough....Thank You!
I love Griffin and I love God.
Keep runnin'. The PRIZE awaits. (Php. 3:14)
-Albert
What your feeling is normal. I've lost people I love - never a child, but very important people in my life. There's not a day that goes by that I don't remember them, something I want to tell them, something they'd enjoy. I say their names in my head, even in conversations. Trust me, you will never forget and as long as you don't forget - you won't let anyone else forget either.
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of you for posting these fears - it's healthy. You lost Griffin way to soon and it hasn't been that long yet. Incorporate him in to your daily lives, but remember not to neglect the ones that are still here with you (and I know you don't).
Welcome back to running! And thanks for so eloquently sharing your feelings! You do have a beautiful family, even though you're missing Griffin.
ReplyDeleteI have a colleague who lost her first son well before I started working with her almost 10 years ago. She has had two beautiful children since, but she still speaks of her first son by name on occasion, and I have admired how she keeps his memory alive. I can tell it means a lot to her when other people mention her first child by name (in addition to her living children, of course!). So, you're not alone!
Peace.